normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
