i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
