the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
