The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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