kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
