WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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