no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
