you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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