so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
