But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're like the curious george of whores
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
