no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can Purell be used as lube?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
