Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish you could order shots online.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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