How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
