I'm jealous of your bromance
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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