Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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