Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
