just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
