Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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