Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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