i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
