Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it because I queefed?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
