positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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