dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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