Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
