No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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