The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
