If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
