Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
