If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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