im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
