Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
