Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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