I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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