We're facebook friends in real life
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
