my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
