I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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