Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had sex on a roof
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
