i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize