There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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