Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
