I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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