my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
