where does the pee come out of this thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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