your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
