I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
