True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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