like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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