your thong is hanging out like whoa
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
