yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
