Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
