i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
