this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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