so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
