Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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