I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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