Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
