my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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