he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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