U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
