he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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